Two Faces Of Perfectionism
The drive to be perfect can motivate you to push the limits of your talents or cause you to feel defeated. Perfectionism has two faces, masked as positive and negative traits.
On the one hand, setting high personal standards can motivate you to produce flawless work, be conscientious, and lead to outstanding achievements. You may also tend to set inflexible and excessively high standards for yourself. (Frost, Marten, Lahart, & Rosenblate, 1990)
Unrealistic or unattainable standards can result in excessive self-criticism and fear of failure. This can lead to an all-or-nothing mindset about performance and a tendency to evaluate your behavior overly critically (Hewitt & Flett, 1991).
Unrealistic perfectionism can lead to viewing yourself in rigid black-and-white ways. Black-and-white thinking helped our ancestors react quickly to survive in a dangerous world and still does. However, it can cause you to believe you are never good enough, with little self-compassionate. (Dutton, 2021)
By recognizing the positive aspects of perfectionism and learning to manage the negative ones, you can harness the benefits while avoiding pitfalls. Ultimately, a balanced approach that allows for your growth and learning can lead to a more fulfilling and successful life.
What's Your Perfectionism Style?
Being a perfectionist is a trait that has many different sides to it. Different types of perfectionism show up in various ways. Hewitt and Flett (1991) identified three main three types. Select the type that best describes your perfectionism style.
Self-Oriented Perfectionism: Putting too much pressure on yourself to be perfect is not healthy and has been associated with serious issues like depression and eating disorders.
Other-Oriented Perfectionism: This behavior involves setting exceptionally high standards for others, which can create problems in how you relate to people and leave you feeling dissatisfied in your relationships.
Socially Prescribed Perfectionism: Some folks feel they must be perfect because that's what society expects. This kind of thinking can be pretty damaging and can cause you to feel anxious, depressed, and even suicidal.
It's essential to avoid pushing yourself and others too hard to be perfect and recognize that making mistakes and imperfections is normal to being human. Mistakes are necessary to learn and help you determine the adjustments that improve your life.
Why Do We Become Perfectionists?
There are several reasons why humans have perfectionist traits. First, a mental ability that helped us advance beyond other species is our ability to categorize the world to develop beliefs about ourselves and others (Dutton, 2021). This ability causes us to think in black-and-white, either-or ways. So, this can lead you to think that you are only perfect or imperfect, with no shades of grey.
Other reasons include:
Difficult experiences during childhood, like being bullied, abused, neglected, or going through significant losses, could be related to developing perfectionism. (Enns & Cox, 2002).
People are becoming more and more perfectionistic with time, and this trend is linked to several mental health issues, such as depression and anxiety. (Hewitt & Flett, 1991).
Sometimes, people become perfectionists due to bad experiences with others. They do not trust anybody, hide who they are, and prefer to keep their distance to avoid getting hurt again. (Hill et al., 2004).
Deal Better With Life's Downsides
Perfectionism is a complex trait that can take various forms and have serious adverse effects. Figuring out what type of perfectionist you are and what causes it can help you deal with its downsides. If you're struggling with perfectionism, you can try some therapeutic interventions that focus on self-compassion.
Citations
Frost, R. O., Marten, P., Lahart, C., & Rosenblate, R. (1990). The dimensions of perfectionism. Cognitive Therapy and Research, 14(5), 449–468.
Hewitt, P. L., & Flett, G. L. (1991). Perfectionism in the self and social contexts: Conceptualization, assessment, and association with psychopathology. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 60(3), 456–470.
Dutton, K. (2021). Black-and-White Thinking. Farrar, Straus and Giroux.
Hill, A. P., Huelsman, T. J., Furr, R. M., Kibler, J., Vicente, B. B., & Kennedy, A. (2004). A new measure of perfectionism: The Perfectionism Inventory. Journal of Personality Assessment, 82(1), 80–91.
Enns, M. W., & Cox, B. J. (2002). The nature and assessment of perfectionism: A critical analysis. In G. L. Flett & P. L. Hewitt (Eds.), Perfectionism: Theory, research, and treatment (pp. 33–62). American Psychological Association.
